When I was young I longed to have a potent intellect
To make my mark in science and be treated with respect
I pondered learn-ed treatises, performed experiments
And honed the razor edges of my vast intelligence
My Vast Intellegence
I studied with the finest
And I earned advanced degrees
And when I left the hallowed halls
My mentors words were these
May the evidence be with you
May the facts be on your side
Don’t let your love of theory
Take your reason for a ride
For theories are seductive
They’ll rob your senses blind
We be (?) wandering in circles in the
Darkness of your mind
I started my career as a prodigy pro (?)
My colleagues waited breathlessly for every word I wrote
The students flocked to study but they worshipped me instead
As they marveled at the cognitative power of my head
The Power of My Head
I had at least a dozen grants
And plush facilities
And honary titles
In the best Societies
For the evidence was with me,
And the facts were on my side
And no attractive theories
Took my reason for a ride
I knew theories could seduce you
And could lead you off the track
If you abandon the empirical she’s bound
To pay you back
But then one day a mocking voice spoke softly from within
How limiting are facts and scientific disipline
Your mind could leap tall buildings with extrapolative glee
Could wax escatolgical (?) Most metaphysically
Most Met-a-phys-ic-lly
Why document your theories?
Its clear they come from you
They’re true because you passionately
Want them to be true.
So let speculation guide you
Let abstraction point the way
Let guesses and conjecture
Answer might win the day
Let facts fall by the wayside
And embrace the inexact
Abandon the empirical
She’ll only hold you back
When I cast aside experiments in favor of decrees
Propounded pompous paradimes with flip pedantic ease
I shamelessly distorted every fact that didn’t fit
And evidence against me why I never mentioned it
I never mentioned it
I mouthed my polysyllables
And told my lofty lies
Condescended to my colleauges
And they would not meet my eyes
For the silver tougue was with me
And believe was on my side
I was seduced by theory
And my own cerebral pride
So I spoke with firm and passion
And profound authority
Declaring the empicial
Had lost her hold on me
Now my papers don’t get published in the journals of repute
My colleagues all avoid me and the lab gave me the boot
I worn out seven lab coats and the knees of all my pants
Imploring students not to leave and groveling for grants
And Groveling For Grants
They call me crank and airhead
And they say it is a shame
How the love of my own brilliance
Brought dishoner to my name
Three pounds of jelly theorems (??)
Narcissistly inclined
I went to bed with Theory
Paying evidence no mind
Divorced itself from science
And Reputiated fact
I abandonded the empirical
Now she, won’t take me back.
May the evidence be with you
May the facts be on your side
Don’t let your love of theory
Take your reason for a ride
For theory can seduce you
It can lead you off the track
Don’t abandon the empirical
Cause she’s bound
TO PAY YOU BACK!