When I was young and just a bad little kid,
My momma noticed funny things I did.
Like shootin’ puppies with a BB-Gun.
I’d poison guppies, and when I was done,
I’d find a pussy-cat and bash in it’s head.
That’s when my momma said…
(What did she say?)
She said my boy I think someday
You’ll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay…
You’ll be a dentist.
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a dentist.
People will pay you to be inhumane!
You’re temperment’s wrong for the priesthood,
And teaching would suit you still less.
Son, be a dentist.
You’ll be a success.
«Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque.»
«Watch him suck up that gas. Oh My God!»
«He’s a dentist and he’ll never ever be any good.»
«Who wants their teeth done by the Marqui DeSade?»
«Oh, that hurts! Wait! I’m not numb!»
«Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!»
I am your dentist.
And I enjoy the career that I picked.
I’m your dentist.
And I get off on the pain I inflict!
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid.
It’s swell, though then tell me I’m mal-adjusted.
And though it may cause my patients distress.
Somewhere…Somewhere in heaven above me…
I know…I know that my momma’s proud of me.
«Oh, Momma…»
‘Cause I’m a dentist…
And a success!
«Say ahh…»
«Say AHhhh…»
«Say AAARRRHHHH!!!»
«Now Spit!»