Ren: «Steempy! What’s all that racket about?»
Stimpy: «I’m tap-dancing, Ren! Pretty good, huh?»
Ren: «Eet just sounds like noise to me! And you look even more stupeed than usual!»
Stimpy: «Oh, pshaw! Tap-dancing is fun, Ren! Why don’t you join me?»
Ren: «Oh no, I’m no eediot.»
Stimpy: «Oh c’mon! No one will ever see you.»
Ren: «No way!»
Stimpy: «Just put these shoes on, and move your feet…»
Ren: «BACK OFF, MAN!! I can do it…»
Stimpy: «Now, don’t you feel better?»
Ren: «Heeeey, thees eez fun! You’re right, Stimpy. I’m sorry I’m all the time so mean to you.»
Stimpy: «Think nothin’ of it, buddy! Pal!
It’s really great to have a chum
Who’s kind and caring and lots of fun.
He slaps me around when I feel blue;
Only a pal would do that for you.
His name is Ren
And when it comes to a friend,
No one is better.
Your turn, pal!»
Ren: Ah, okay, bud—AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! You eediot! If you’re going to tap-dance, do it on your own two feet!»
Stimpy: «Whoops.»
Ren: «He’s really fat, [Stimpy burps] but I admit,»
Stimpy: (What’s that, Ren?)
Ren: «He’s not so dumb…»
Stimpy: (Joy!)
Ren: «…For an eediot!
I hate the smell of his stinky leeter box
And when he fills me to my stay-put socks.
He’s lost his mind
But when I’m een a bind,
He’s better than no one.
Would you wanna comb my hair?»
Stimpy: «With glee!»
Ren: «Would you shave my tongue?»
Stimpy: «For free!»
Ren: «Would you flense my spleen?»
Stimpy: «Whoopee!»
Both: «You’re the friend for me!»
Ren: «My friend to the end,»
Stimpy: (That’s me! That’s me!)
Ren: «Which I hope is soon,»
Stimpy: (He hopes is soon!)
Ren: «Has a head full of air»
Stimpy: (A head full of air?)
Ren: «Like a red balloon!»
Stimpy: «A balloon-head? Wow! What a great thing to be!
You always say the nicest things to me!»
Ren: «You’re a fool!»
Stimpy: «But I think you’re cool!
No one is better.
Would you tell me a story?»
Ren: «No way!»
Stimpy: «Would you pick my nose?»
Ren: «For pay…»
Stimpy: «Would you scratch my back?»
Ren: «No!»
Stimpy: «Pluck my brows?»
Ren: «No!!»
Stimpy: «Clean my box?»
Ren: [screams]
Stimpy: «Lick my fur?»
Ren: «All right, Stimpy! THAT’S EET! I’ve had enough of your stUUUUpid questions! The answer is NO! No, I tell you! A thousand times, NOOOO!!!!»
Stimpy: «Oh, just asking!»
Ren: «We’re opposites by nature.»
Stimpy: «He’s a dog, and I-I’m a cat! I think.»
Ren: «But put us both together…»
Stimpy: «And we’re a purr-fect match!»
Ren: «Shut up!»
Stimpy: «Yes, sir! I’m glad he’s here to tell me what to do!»
Ren: «Aw, somebody’s got to think for you.
You may be a dud,
But when I need a bud,
You’re better than no one.»
Stimpy: «No one is better!»
Ren: «You’re better than…»
Stimpy: «No one is…»
Ren: «Better than…»
Stimpy: «No one…»
Both: «No one… is better.»