A demented song I will sing you,
A classic of poetry and wit.
Last night while i was in my bathroom,
I stepped in a pile of
I asked to come out and play baseball
I’d just bought a new catchers’ mitt;
I asked you to throw me a fastball
But you threw me a big lump of
1. I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your feelings a bit.
Last night when I walked into my bathroom
I stepped in a big pile of …
2. I think I’ll break up with my girlfriend
Her antics are queer I admit.
Each time I say, «darling, I love you»
She tells me that I’m full of …
3. Our baby fell out of the window
You’d think that her head would be split.
But good luck was with her that morning
She fell in a barrel of …
4. An old lady died in a bathtub
She died of a terrible fit.
In order to fulfill her wishes
She was buried in six feet of …
5. When I was in France with the army
One day I looked into my kit.
I thought I would find me a sandwich,
But the darn thing was loaded with …
6. And now, folks, my story is ended
I think it is time I should quit.
If any of you feel offended
Stick your head in a barrel of …
Here we are in this fine health food restaurant.
I hate to be picking a nit.
But waiter, I ordered your yogurt surprise,
And you brought me a plate full of
Last night we all had a big snowstorm,
And it’s time to shovel, isn’t it?
Now the only good thing I can say about shoveling snow,
Is, it’s better than shoveling
They built a big wall in East Berlin.
The biggest one that would fit.
But I found out what that Berlin wall was made of.
Well the whole thing was nothing but
I put all my money in savings,
So I’d never have to worry, not a bit.
But you see, it was Lincoln Savings,
Now my money is all shot to
I once went out to the ballpark
To try out my new catchers mit,
I asked them to throw me a fast ball,
But instead they threw me some..
Once while I was at the ball game,
The batter smashed out a hit.
But while he was running for second,
He slipped in a big pile of..
Here we are in this fancy restruant,
And I hate to be picking a bit,
But I ordered creamed fishie-soi
And the waiter brought me a bowl of..
Our producer looks good in the morning,
I’ll tell you what makes him so fit,
Instead of using cold cream,
He rubs in a big handful of..
Last Saturday I went out jogging,
I like to keep physically fit,
But when I looked down at my Reeboks,
Well, the soles were all covered with {Dr. D:Where Rover goes, nothing grows!}
Let’s have a cheer for our Raiders!
They’re truly a team with true grit,
But when they fumbled that kickoff in the second half this afternoon,
Ten million fans, in unison, said, «Oh,… {Dr. D: «And one for the Rams!»}
Now the Rams, they are going to Chicago,
But the Bears are the oddsmakers’ favorite,
Now, Chicago is beautiful in October,
But in January it’s colder than …
Here we are in this Mexican restaurant,
I hate to be picking a nit,
But waiter, I ordered «El Burrito Supremo,»
And you brought me a plate full of …
I am fed up with all politicians!
On Republicans and Democrats I spit!
They promise you peace and prosperity and a good job,
And what do they give you? …
Our Christmas tree, it was so gorgeous,
So brightly and brilliantly lit,
And underneath were all of my presents!
Yeah, boxes and boxes of … {Dr. D: «Just kidding, folks!»}
And now, folks, my song it is ended,
I think it is time I should quit,
If any of you feel offended,
Stick your head in a bucket of …
I was laughing so hard at this music,
I thought that my sides they would split,
I stopped laughing just now, however
‘Cause my pants just filled up with …
My program was nearly completed,
In 640K it did fit,
But then I wrote «just one more feature,»
And my program was blown all to …
I went swimming in beautiful Lake Ontario
I thought I would cool off a bit
But when I stepped out of the water
Yech — my body was covered in…
I bought a computer by mail…
It arrived at my door in a kit.
But although I followed instructions,
I ended up with a box full of shhhhaving cream…
I was reading the BITNET one day…
Full of rumors, flames and quips
Instead of being educated
All I got was a que full of …..
I went out last night to the opera,
I thought I’d relax for a bit.
But when I sat down in my box seat
I found it was covered with…
I thought I would make me some tie-dyes
And bought many boxes of Rit.
But after I dyed all my T-shirts
They all were the color of…
My in-laws came over to visit,
But left in a terrible snit
Because I suggested for dinner
That they should have plates full of…
And now, folkes, my song, it is ended,
I do hope that you will admit,
That if any of you feel offended
You can stick your head in a bucket of
