Performed by Adam Sandler and Jennifer Lien
«And now the buffoon’s date at the drive-in with the school’s valedictorian.»
Valedictorian: «I really appreciate you’re asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement.»
Buffoon: «This movie sucks shit!»
Valedictorian: «Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director’s last film immensly.»
Buffoon: «Cathleen Turner has big fuckin’ tits!»
Valedictorian: «Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn’t she?»
Buffoon: «I put a firecracker in a bullfrog’s mouth and blew his fuckin’ head off.»
Valedictorian: «Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process.»
Buffoon: «That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head.»
Valedictorian: «Well, I guess she’s strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it.»
[Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: «This popcorn’s fuckin’ terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it.»
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]
Valedictorian: «Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank.»
Buffoon: «I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin’ mind!»
Valedictorian: «It’s ironic that parts of one’s body seems odd and unusual because you don’t see them on a day to day basis.
Buffoon: «My father’s shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin’ day!»
Valedictorian: «It’s puzzling why one person’s fecal odor can be more overpowering than another’s. I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person’s internal metabolism.»
Buffoon: «I’m gonna go get head from that fuckin’ girl.»
[Gets out of the car]
Valedictorian: «Well, I’m sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion.»
[Buffoon walking away]
«I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue.»
Buffoon: «I like to piss in that guy’s fuckin’ gas tank!»
Valedictorian: «Bye bye! Have fun.»
[Buffoon continues to walk away]