My Grandmother’s cat grew too fat for his shelf,
So he slept every night in a bed.
He was almost as big as my Grandma herself,
‘Cause three times a day he was fed.
He was fed tuna scraps as he sat on my Grandma’s lap,
On his back with a big napkin tied.
He ate as much as he could hold,
‘Till he got too wide.
Chorus
Every day pounds of salmon meat,
Sirloin of Parakeet,
He ate as much as he could hold,
‘Till he got too wide.
My Grandmother said that of cats she had know,
Her favorite by far was old Dan,
He’d stand on the floor and his eyes simply shone,
When she opened the tuna-fish can,
With his eyes shining bright and a groan of delight,
He’d rub against Grandma and purr,
‘Till one day he knocked Grandma down,
For he was now bigger than her.
Chorus
Every day gobs of goose pattee,
Followed by fish fillets,
‘Till one day he knocked Grandma down,
For he was now bigger than her.
She fell to the floor with a pitiful scream,
And lay there unconscious awhile,
When she awoke his eyes were a’gleam,
As he looked down on her with a smile.
With a gigantic paw he pinched my old grandma,
As he gave her a horrible grin,
He looked at her legs and her arms,
Wondering where to begin.
Chorus
Something something something something
Mouse morsels a’la carte,
He looked at her legs and her arms,
Wondering where to begin.
She managed to climb, despite her bad back,
To the top of her old Frigidaire,
She threw him two steaks, his favorite snack,
Which he always took medium rare,
Those three days which she spent upon the fridge,
Seemed to her like a lifetime at least,
She threw down all the food she had,
To fill up the ravenous beast.
Chorus
Something something something something
Hams of the family size,
She threw down all the food she had,
To fill up the ravenous beast.
She stayed there three days, till she ran out of stuff,
And the giant was begged for more,
He was standing and nibbling upon her white scuff,
When the family burst in through the door.
It took twenty men to shut him in a pen,
And ship him away to the zoo.
Let this be a lesson to you all,
That your pets should be smaller than you.
Chorus
Carte blanche you can’t afford,
Cut out the Smorgasbord,
Let this be a lesson to you all,
That your pets should be smaller than you.