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I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane 
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear 
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat 
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes 
I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie? 
Is it Bob or Joe or Walter? 
Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?" 
I probably would have kept on guessing 
But about that time we crashed into the truck 
And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt 
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer 
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me 
Everything you know is wrong 
Black is white, up is down and short is long 
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter 
Everything you know is wrong 
Just forget the words and sing along 
All you need to understand is 
Everything you know is wrong 

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams 
When I accidentally stepped into a alternate dimension 
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space 
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr 
They sucked out my internal organs 
And they took some polaroids and said I was a darn good sport 
And as a way of saying thank you 
They offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go 
And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night 
So I could pay my phone bill on time 
Just then the disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling 

Everything you know is wrong 
Black is white, up is down and short is long 
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter 
Everything you know is wrong 
Just forget the words and sing along 
All you need to understand is 
Everything you know is wrong 

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin 
When I got a nasty paper cut 
And, well, to make a long story short 
It got infected and I died 
So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates 
And it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing 
He tells me that they've got a dress code 
Well, he lets me into heaven anyway 
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity 
And every day he runs by screaming 

Everything you know is wrong 
Black is white, up is down and short is long 
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter 
Everything you know is wrong 
Just forget the words and sing along 
All you need to understand is 
Everything you know is wrong

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