Young Jim, as a lad
He looked for adventure
Calamity, danger, whatever was free
So when he turned ten, he packed his belongings
And he left home to find his destiny
Jim just a boy,
Who’s head full of legends
Of dungeons, and dragons, and pirates, and stuff
So that summer he snuck on a schooner
To harpoon tuna
And get real buff
The Captain he said
There’s danger ahead
We need some brave men
To sail and then
We’ll find us those pirates
Stop them with violence,
To make the ocean safe
Once again.»
Ahem. Now, the pirates the brave captain was looking for, were the fierce midget pirates of Willygoat. The deadliest pirates in the seven seas, and although they were wee men, they had big swords and were known for gutting many and leaving few alive. The captain knew they were heading towards the sandwich isles to pillage the giant ham farm. The captain knew what he must do, and this is his story.
(chorus)
Cleaning up the oceans
Captain Hampton and his crew
Trouble in the seven seas
He’ll know what to do
Captain, he hates rubbish
To him pirates are just soot
Scallywags and scurvy dogs
Are crushed under his foot.
Hey, Captain Hampton, (Captain Hampton), Captain Hampton, (Captain Hampton)!
Ahoy, (Ahoy), Ahoy, (Ahoy)!
Pillaging the Pillagers
Triumphantly he’ll sail away!
Now, seven weeks into the trip
And Jim was sick to the death of being sick
Some kind of action he wanted
As he searched the seas
For everyday was the same old… stuff
The night he felt like jumping ship
But then he heard a crash
Hit the starboard side of the ship
And bumped him out of his bunk
Onto his bottom
Our heroes drew their swords
As the midgets swarmed aboard
The pirates’ surprise attack
The tiny buccaneers
Caught us by surprise
As we tried to battle back.
It was horrible, they were everywhere, and unlike normal midgets who are
usually bright and clever and fun to be around, these midget pirates with their beady little eyes, and sharp teeth bore down on us like fierce sharks, in a feeding frenzy of blood. Slashing at us with their swords, gutting our bellies, poking our bums, clipping our knees. We knew not what to do, for the captain was nowhere to be found.
WHERE WAS THE CAPTAIN. WHERE WAS THE CAPTAIN. WHERE WAS THE CAPTAIN.
(chorus)
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la.
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la.
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la.
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la.
Hey, Captain Hampton, (Captain Hampton), Captain Hampton, (Captain Hampton)!
Ahoy, (Ahoy), Ahoy, (Ahoy)!
Pillaging the Pillagers
Triumphantly he ran away!
