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Heard that they said that it's rainin men
But the offer that I make, it won't be made again
You don't have to write, you don't have to call
It's a one-time offer for nothing at all

And there's no red tape, I don't make it hard
You don't need cash money or a Master Card
I got easy terms, and a lay-away
But I need a quick decision, and I need it today

And if you find that you don't like my ways
Well, you can send me back in 30 days

Now have you ever seen a man with a guarantee?
Well you're lookin at him now, cause the man is me
And if you don't believe all the things I say
I'm certified 'prime' by the USDA

Now the name that I use is DJ Run
And I'm a fast-talkin slow-walkin number one
And if you don't believe all the words I say
Then you're a natural born fool who's got to be that way

I got a 50 rating and a 50 share
Every minute, every hour that I'm on the air
And when I come to town, I'm on a big marquee
It says (DJ Run) and me, D.M.C.

And if you find that you don't like my ways
Well, you can send me back in 30 days

A good job and lots of money might not be enough
And to satisfy your needs it may be rough
But I take some care and treat you nice
And if it ain't sufficient once, I cold work it out twice

And if you find that you don't like my ways
Well, you can send me back in 30 days

I'm gonna give you everything that you ever need
If you need a pint of blood, then I'll even bleed
If you're lookin for a car, I will buy you two
And if you're lookin for a pet, I'll buy a kangaroo

If you need a vacation, we can fly the world
And you'll know I'll never look at another girl
I'm a single-minded man, and my mind is set
You're the lady of the '80s that I'm gonna get

And if you find you don't like my ways
Well, you can send me back in 30 days

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