CHORUS:
I can hew boys, I can hack it out.
I can hew the coal, I can dance and shout.
I can hew boys, coal that’s black and fine.
I’m a collier lad, working down the mine.
Well Saint Monday’s day, it’s well I do admire,
When I sits at home by me own coal fire.
Then it’s down to the pub for a glass or two
For to work on a Monday, that will never do.
Well I likes my whiskey and I likes my beer.
I’ll drink fourteen pints and I’ll not feel queer.
I can hold my liquor well as any man.
And I’ll dance and sing as long as I can.
Well my boy he’s 14, he’s a strappin’ lad
And he’ll go to the pits soon, just like his dad.
And when Friday comes, he’ll pick up his pay.
And we’ll drink together, to round off the day.
And it’s when I’m dead, oh I know full well,
I’ll not go to heaven, I am bound for hell.
And my pick and shovel, old Nick will admire,
And he’ll set me to hewin’ coals for his own hell fire.
I AM HUGE
CHORUS:
I am huge boys, I am fat and stout,
I am huge, boys, I have got the gout.
I am huge, boys, big as any man,
But to tie my shoes, I don’t think I can.
Well, with mondays off, I don’t have a care,
When I sits at home by the Frigidaire.
Then it’s down to MacDonald’s for a Big Mac or two
For to skip a meal, that would never do.
Well my boy’s three-fourteen; he’s a strappin’ lad,
And he’ll go through the floor soon just like his dad.
And when Friday comes, we’ll hit the buffet,
And we’ll gorge together to round off the day.
Well I likes my Twinkies and my layered cake
And my gooey donuts on my coffee break.
I think exercise is a noble cause
So I bend and stretch for my Hogan Dazs.
And it’s when I’m dead, oh I know full well,
They will roll me down to the gates of Hell.
And my fork and spoon Ol’ Nick he will admire,
And he’ll set me to making s’mores by his own hell fire.