By Don Data and the Res-Tones
(Tune of «Valley Girls» by Moonunit Zappa)
Spoken: Hey, anybody seen my beeper?
Sung:
Valley Guy, he’s a valley guy
Silicon Valley guy
Flip on tie, and tennis shoes
Thinks he’s flip (not sure about
But he’s blown a fuse these two)
Hangs out at the Radio Shack
Buyin’ chips for his UNIVAC
He’s a…
Spoken: Naw, that one’s not mine. Well anyway, it was complete chip burnout
With floppy disk failure. A real total system dump, you know? For certain!
And I told the output user, «Hey, would I de-res my own program? C’mon
Man, don’t call me, call PG&E! Hey, go somewhere and have a meltdown, man,
Like, burn out!» Then I went down to the Shack to get some sub-dip-miniature
Relays? And get this, the salesman gave me a new plastic pocket protector!
Sung:
Look out Intel, here he comes
He’s the king of computer runs
Got his degree from M.I.T.
Knows square roots to infinity
Spoken: I scanned that new program down in word processing? The one with the
Huge memory banks? Yea—Julie! Punch my code, I am certain! When I first saw
Her I thought, «Woa! Give me a microsecond, could I trip her kip relay or
What?» She sorta smiles at me and I’m thinking, «I have got to access this
Chick.» But should I go subroutine or main program, you know? So I just
Suddenly invade her spacial arena and introduce myself for starts. Hi, I’m
Ray Fifo.
Sung:
Valley Guy, he’s a valley guy
Silicon Valley guy
Flip on tie, and tennis shoes
Thinks he’s flip (still not sure about
But he’s blown a fuse these two)
Hangs out at the Radio Shack
Buyin’ chips for his UNIVAC
He’s a…
Spoken: So after a few casual edit statements, I can tell this unit really
Digs me. I mean it’s modem to the max, the program computes, right? We
Make plans to meet at her place and I get there and she is online, I mean,
Like, she’s wearing all this software. I’m calculating the access time
To her front-end processor and there is phase jitter entering all my charge
Couple devices! Her ambia-temperature’s (?) rising! And she is alpha-fluxing
Right before my eyes! We skipped dinner.
Sung:
Look out Intel, here he comes
He’s the king of computer runs
Got his degree from M.I.T.
Knows square roots to infinity
After a RAM refresh time interval she says to me, «Ray, I’m all decoded now.
I think yo better go» And I say, «OK program, I can handle the end sum.»
«And Ray,» she says, «I hope you won’t de-res me in the morning.» And I
Say, «Moi? De-res a cute litte program like you? Hey, I’m a Silicon Valley
Guy.»
Sung:
Valley guy, he’s a valley Guy
Silcon Valley guy (continues to end)
Spoken:
Come here you catalystic data, you! Give master control a little phase jitter.
Punch my code! Did I ever show you my cathode ray? It is really tubular!
Gag me with a microchip. Hey, where is my beeper?