«Less Than Zero»
Album Minus One
At a big diving meet at our school,
A diver named Stanley O’Toole
Did a horrid back flip
That the judges scored «zip».
The worst ever seen at our pool!
Well, the spectators let out a roar,
But Stanley had more thrills in store,
His next dive was poorer.
It caused such a furor,
They gave him a negative score!
He got less than zero, less than zero,
The scoreboard’s runnin’ in reverse.
Less than zero, he’s an antihero.
«Watch me go from bad to worse!»
At a dance contest down by the shore,
Stan tripped and fell on the floor,
The judge cried, «Peeyew, you get negative two!»
Said Stan with a grin, «Less is more!»
He got less than zero, less than zero,
He’s a negative, negative guy.
Less than zero, he’s an antihero,
«‘Worse than nothing’ is my battle cry!»
When he skated for the roses at the roller rink,
The judges held their noses and said to Stan, «You stink!
You’re so bad we gotta give you a subzero score.»
It added up to negative twenty-four!
Stan entered a hammer throw meet,
Set a record that no one will beat.
He threw it behind,
And the score they assigned
Him was negative fifty-five feet!
He got less than zero, less than zero,
No ifs and no ands and no buts.
Less than zero, he’s an antihero.
«I’m a certified nationwide klutz!» (Eeeyeah!)
«I’m a certified nationwide klutz!» (YEAH!)