(to the tune of «I Wanna Be Sedated» by The Ramones)
Intro E
Verse :E A E: x2
:B E: x3
A B
Chorus :E A B E: x2
E
Key change—up 1 step at various random times
Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours a day
I wanna be promoted
You gave me a job, now don’t take it away
I wanna be promoted
I wrote 100 papers, they’re spilling out the drawer
I built a walking robot, it’s walking out the door
I’ve served on 12 committees, but still you ask for more
Please please please please please
Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam
I wanna be promoted
Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam
I wanna be promoted
Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours a day
I wanna be promoted
I wanna leave Fairview Heights someday
I wanna be promoted
I write my students’ theses without acknowledgment
I bring in major funding, but I can’t pay the rent
My lab is nonexistent, my office is a tent
Why why why why why
Bam bam bam, etc.
Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours a day
I wanna be promoted
I can’t see what’s standing in the way
I wanna be promoted
I’m editor of TOPLAS, I’m program chair of STOC,
Last week I gave a series of 12 distinguished talks
I’ve written seven volumes on synchronizing clocks
Tick tick tick tick tick
Bam bam bam, etc.
Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours a day
I wanna be promoted
Gimme a break, and please let me stay
I wanna be promoted
I go to lunch each weekday with all the senior folks
I eat that dreadful garbage and try hard not to choke
And afterwards at coffee, I laugh at Juris’ jokes
Yawn yawn yawn yawn yawn
Bam bam bam, etc.
Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours a day
I wanna be promoted
My soul is in torment, that’s all I can say
I wanna be promoted
My future’s in the balance, and tenure is the key
If I don’t get promoted, what will become of me?
I’ll have to wait on tables, or work at Odyssey
No no no no no
Bam bam bam, etc.
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