[Game Show Host]
Let's meet contestant number one
He's a skitsofrantic, serial killer clown
Who says women love his sexy smile
Let's find out if his charm will work on Sharon
Sharon, what's your question?
[Sharon]
Contestant number one
I believe first impressions last forever
So let's say you were to come over to my parents’ house
and have dinner with me and my family ...
Tell me what you would do to make that first impression really stick?
[Violent J]
Let's see, uh, well, I'd have to think about it
I might show up in a tux, HA!, but I doubt it
I'd probably just show up naked like I always do
And look your momma in the eye and tell her, "FUCK YOU!!!"
Hurry up bitch, I'm hungry, I smell spaghetti
I'd kick her in the butt and tell her, "Get the food ready!"
Your dad will probably start tripping and get me pissed
I'd have to walk up and bust him in his fucking lips!
It's dinner time, we hearing grace from your mother
I pull a forty out and pour some for your little brother
I'm steady staring at your sister, I'll tell you this
You know for only 13, she got some big tits
After that, your dad will try to jump again
And only this time, I'd put the forty to his chin
After you mom does the dishes and the silverware
I'd dry-fuck her till I nut in my underwear
[applause]
[Game Show Host]
Now, let's meet contestant number two
He's a psychopathic, deranged, crackhead freak
Who works for the Dark Carnival
He says women call him "Stretch Nuts."
Sharon, let's hear your question
[Sharon]
I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions
A man who expresses himself in his own special way
Number two, if you fell in love with me
Exactly how would you let me know?
[Shaggy 2 Dope]
First thing, I could never love you
You sound like a little richie-bitch, FUCK YOU!!!
But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care
By taking all these other motherfuckers outta here
I'd go through your phone book and kill em all
And find contestant number one and break his fucking jaw (what?!)
Anyone who looked at you, would have to pay
I'd be blowing fucking nuggets off all day
I’d tell you that I love you, if you don’t say it back
I’d have to chump-slam your neck and dislocate your back
I'd sing love songs to you, the best I can
And then I’d club you in the head, like a CAVEMAN!!!
When we go to the beach and walk through the sand
I throw a little in your face and say, I'm just playin
As you spit it all out, I'd rub your back
And grab your underwear and wedge it up your ass crack!!
[applause]
[Game Show Host]
Well it sounds like contestant number two
Is just overflowing with sensitivity, Sharon
It's a tough choice so far
Sharon, let's have your last question and
See which one is going to win the rights to your neden
[Sharon]
Okay, if we were at a dance club, and you both noticed me at the
same time. Tell me, how would you each get my attention, and what would
your pick up line be? Whoever's the smoothest wins!
[Violent J]
Okay, first, I'd sliiiiide up to the bar
And tell you that I can't believe how fucking fat you are
I'd tell that I like the way you make your titties shake
And if you lost a little weight, you'd look like Rickie Lake!
[Shaggy 2 Dope]
Fuck that, you'd be jocking me quick
I'd order you a drink and stir it with my dick
And then to get your attention in the crowded place
I'd simply walk up and slap you in the fuckin’ face
[Violent J]
Yeah, smack her in the mouth, yo, that'll get her
Tell her that's she fat, yeah, that'll work even better
Look, fuck you, I got a strong rap
Shit, you don't want contestant number two, he's mad wack
I walk into a bar and there he was
Standing up on a bucket, (ugh!) trying to fuck it
It was a big fucking smelly, ass farm llama
[Shaggy 2 Dope]
Daaaaamn dawg! How you gonna diss your momma?


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