If I was your tv I’d be like «Look at me»
If I was a shooting star I’d be like «Peace!»
If I was a fat bitches thong I’d be like «Hell naw!’
If I was a hotties thong I’d be like «Awwww…»
If I was a cuss word I’d just be like «fuck»
If I was a rock on the moon I’d be chillin’ like «Sup?»
If I was a butthole I’d just be an exit
If I was the D.O.C. I’d be like «man this is bullshit»
If I was the tires on your car I’d be like «NEEEAAAWWW»
If I was the bumper on your car I’d be like «Aww fuck»
If I was a balloon I’d be like «pap»
If I was Allysa Milano I’d be fucking Joe Bruce
If I was a radio DJ I’d probably say «the point 103»
If I was a richy ass bitch I’d be like «umm…ok»
If I was Spin magazine I’d put me on the cover and be like «fuck us! And
allour readers, even us motherfucker!»
If I was your mental stress I’d be catching up
If I was your headaches every now and then I’d be like «THONNNKK!!»
If I was your tongue I’d be hating your teeth I’d be like «Man why do
you try to bite me every time we try to eat?»
If I was a chair I’d be like «Sit here»
If I was Kid Rock I’d cut my feathered wolf hair
If I was your muffler I’d be like «Shhh, quietly»
If I was a price tag I’d be like «You ain’t buying me»
If I was a fresh ass DJ I’d be like [records scratch]
If I was Jam Master J I’d be like [records scratch]
If I was a cheap clock radio I’d be like [static]
«Tune that motherfucker in»
If I was Barry White I’d be like «What up y’all?»
If I was nipple in the cold I’d be like «Boing»
If I was your dead uncle I’d be like «…..»
If I was a raindrop I’d just be like «drip»
And If I had an ax to your neck I might say «CHOP!»
[Chorus]
If I was, if I was, but I’ll never be
If I was, if I was, but I’ll never be
If I was, if I was, but I’ll never be
If I was, if I was, but I’ll never be
If I was, if I was, but you’re killing me
If I was, if I was. but you’re killing me
If I was a Faygo at one of our shows, I’d fly through the air into and
ocean of juggalos
If I was Andre The Giant «This is how I’d be talking»
If I was Father MC I’d be like «Now what happened?»
If I was a mirror, I’d find another mirror
and look each other dead in the eye, crystal clear
If I was a slider I’d slide out your butt
I’d be floatin’ in your toilet lookin’ at you like «What?»
If I was a pilot I’d be like «This is air traffic control»
If I was John Denver I’d be like «Nooooooo!!!!»
If I was a switch I’d be like «Flick me, yoo-hoo»
If I was a London cop car I’d be like «Wee-oop wee-oop»
If I was Chewbacca I’d get a fresh ass fade
If I was Vanilla Ice I’d be like «Fuck y’all. I’m still paid»
If I was a stop sign I’d just be like «Stop»
If I was your wooden leg I’d still be giving you the hip-hop
[Chorus}