I feel sooo funky!
[«I know you gonna dig this!»]
I was lookin’ ’round for a brand new pad («Uh-huh.»)
My girlfriend kicked me out of the one I had («Go on! Get outta here! Right now!!»)
I’m gonna get a whole house and share it («That doesn’t sound too bad.» «Yeah.» «Yeah.»)
I figure, if I get a whole house and share it, I can save a ton of cash («Mo’ money!»)
CHORUS:
I hate my new pad
I hate my new pad (I want my old place back)
I hate my new pad
I hate my new pad (but she won’t have me back)
Well, I found this one place, but it was a dive («Aw, yuck!!»)
The people who lived there looked half-dead, but the bugs sure were alive
I wanted to take a bath, ’cause my hair, it felt like leather («Like WHAT?» «LEATHUURRRRR!!!»)
But I knew if I dived into that cesspool, I wouldn’t be workin’ again ever («Uh-unh.»)
BRIDGE:
Believe it! It’s unbelievable!
«Somebody shut that goddamn TV off!»
«Say WHAAAAAAT???»
«(All right, I’m waking up to this new place, going up the steps, and I’ve got all this money in my pocket for my first month’s rent, and I know it’s gonna be great.)»
«Well, sonny, I think there’s a few things you should know before you move your stuff into MY place.»
«Like what?»
«Aww…but…»
«Second of all, if you’re thinking of coming in or leaving, you better let me know 24 hours in advance in writing, because I have the only keys.»