Artist: Frank Zappa
Title: The Massive Improve’lence
——————————————
THING-FISH: (to the rubber girl)
Hmmm! Dat quite a massive improve’lence, dahlin’! Jes’ a few moments ago
you was well on yo’ way to bein’ severely ugly! Now, thoo de magik o’
stagekraff, de blubulence of yo’ blobulence done reciprocated to a
respectumal reclusium! Yow! SCIENCE!
(to HARRY & RHONDA)
Ef y’all don’t minds me sayin’ so, I b’lieves it’s ’bout time fo yo pathetical
miniaturized replicas to FALL IN LOVE! After all…dis lil’ sucker already
been fulla glue, homo-sectional extru- siums, ‘n ARMY FOOD…nothin’ left
fo’ him to do, ‘cept get catched by dis’ lil’ stinker over heahhh!
‘Membuh, we’s on BROADWAY! Muthafucker be buyin’ dem tickets wants a
lil’ HEART, a lil’ SOUL…’n some TITTY TOO, ef dey can git it, so, les’ get y’all
in positium heah, ‘n get dis silly business over wit! Y’all’s takin’ too goddam
long to GROW UP IN ERMERICA!
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
I suppose you’re right, Mr. THING-FISH, but you’ll have to admit…this is a
rather awkward situation!
HARRY:
That’s right! Stage-craft is one thing, but this is ridiculous! Where did that
stimulating little replica come from anyway?
RHONDA:
That’s a GOOD QUESTION, HARRY! Don’t let him wiggle out of it! Hound him
mercifullessly until you receive a suitable answer!
HARRY:
Now, just hold yourself in abeyance, RHONDA! I’ll handle this! Look here,
‘Mr. POTATO-HEAD’, what’s the meaning of all this? Do you realize what
you’re asking my REPLICA to do? Do you expect him to literally FALL IN
LOVE in front of all these people…with that artificial RHONDA over there?
THING-FISH:
Do de Pope shit in de woods?
HARRY:
Now, just hold on there, buddy! Let’s be serious! The toilet training of
exalted religious personalities is not our primary topic of discussion!
RHONDA:
HARRY, that’s wonderful! The way you’re just rearing up on your hind legs
like that! That’s terrific! So what if you suck a little cock every once in a
while! That’s TERRIFIC!
THING-FISH: (to HARRY)
Look heahhh, sweetheart, they’s somethin’ fishy gwine on…all I’s wantin’
to do is get de romantic in’trust out de way so we can git back to de EVIL
PRINCE, ‘n see what de fuck we gone do ’bouts HIM! De way you’s givin’
me de lip, lead me to infer a subterior motivatium!
HARRY: (singing)
I WANT A NUN!
I WANT A NUN!
I WANT A BURRO,
IN THE FROSTY LIGHT!
THING-FISH:
You want a NUN? De boy want a NUN? What de fuck kinda NUN you want?
HARRY: (singing)
I CAN’T SEEM TO MAKE UP MY MIND!
SOMETHING ABOUT MAMMYS
SEEMS SO SUBLIME…
THAT’S THE BROADWAY WORD
USED WHEN THEY RHYME
A SONG ABOUT LOVE!
THING-FISH:
But, on BROADWAY, it’s a NEW DAY! Ain’tcha hoid? Yo’ unrequired desirin’s
be mo’ suited to de ZOMBY-FOLK up in de EVIL PRINCE’S lab-mo-to-rium!
HARRY: (whimpering)
Don’t make fun of me…PLEASE! I know I’m not the most desirable kind of
fellow a ‘MAMMY NUN’ could choose for intimate companionship…but…but…
gosh-darn-it, I’d TRY…I’d REALLY TRY to make you HAPPY!
RHONDA:
HARRY…you are…a worm…a disgusting WORM! YOU WORMMMMMM! You
are nothing but a WORMMMMMMMMMMMM!
THING-FISH:
Boy obviously got hisseff a provlum! Would y’all like to use my nakkin’ one
mo’ time?
HARRY:
Oh, YES! YES! Give me…your…how do you say it? ‘NAY’KIN’? Oh!
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
I think this is going too far, Mr. THING-FISH! I haven’t even had a chance
to fall in love, or to grow to maturity yet! The ARTIFICIAL RHONDA is
pining away for my wholesome companionship, just over there! This isn’t
right! You’re letting everything get all out of sequence!
THING-FISH:
Whoa! I gots yo’ ‘SEQUENCE’ hangin’, boy! Get outs de way! Cain’t y’see
dat de mizzable cock-sucker you ultimately gwine become done fell in love
wit’ a ‘MAMMY NUN’! Awright, which one idit, sweetheart?
HARRY:
I…I…can’t seem to make up my mind…you’re all so…MASTERFUL! So
SENSUOUS…you’re so INCREDIBLY TALENTED!
RHONDA:
…a wor-r-r-r-r-mmmmmmmmmm! You are a FUCKING
WOR-R-R-R-R-R-R-MMMMMMMMM!
THING-FISH:
Makes up yo’ mind, dahlin’! We ain’t gots all night heahhh! Intromissium be
comin’ up putty quick! Folks be headin’ on out to de lobby fo’ dem MASH
POTATOES we tole ’em ’bout earlier!
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
I insist on FALLING IN LOVE, right now, this very moment, and I don’t care
what you do with HIM…
THING-FISH:
Go ‘head on den…go git yo’ deflateable bitch ovuh deah! Judgin’ fum all de
fuss, you ain’t in much better shape den de large economy size been clutchin’ at my nakkin!
We gots a love song (jes’ yo’ type), bridgin’ de conceptiumal gap between
what you IS, what you THINK you is, what WE think you is, what you is
GONNA BE, ‘n also what yo’ rubberized madonna be somewhat remindin’
me of!
SISTER OB’DEWLLA ‘X’, gather de mo’ sensitive MAMMYS together fo’
harmonicizatiumal purposes, while de ones with de M.B.A.’s hit de lobby ‘n
sell some shit, ‘fo de customers over-run yo’ ass! Meanwhile, lil’ guy, go get
yo’ rubber girl ‘n esspress yo-seff!
