Artist: Frank Zappa
Title: Dance contest
—————————-
FZ:
«One of, one of the things that I like best about playing in New York is this
particular place, because it has — it has a stage that is conducive to, how you
say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there’s one thing that I really
like, it’s, uh, audience participation. Now listen… I gotta figure out something
that I can, uh — do you think we should have another dance contest tonight?
Oh, hey — the injured person dance contest. Ah, well, let’s see…Awright, I’ll
tell you what we’re going to do. Here’s a, here’s a guy who really wants to
be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty, hey. Okay…»
BUTCH:
«You are great, man — you are great. You are the best, baby. Do ‘Dinah-Moe
Humm.'»
FZ:
«All right, now wait a minute — what’s your name? Hey, hey — what’s your
name?»
BUTCH:
«Butch.»
FZ:
«Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here’s, here’s a girl that wants to dance with
Butch. What’s your name?»
LENA:
«Lena.»
FZ:
«What?»
LENA:
«Lena.»
FZ:
«Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Heh heh.
Okay, let’s see — that guy there, with his…that — that one there with the
teeshirt on — no, no, the other one — this one — no, no — no no no, wait a
minute, wait… well, you’re — actually, you’re very nice, though. Would you
like to come up here? …Okay, but d’you think you can behave yourself?
You, you’re sure you can behave yourself? …Okay, what’s your name?»
GUY:
«Tom, man. (mumble, mumble) you, baby, I (mumble, mumble)(gurgle) you
(mumble, mmf, etc.).»
GUY:
«Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc.»
FZ:
«Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait…»
GUY:
«(mumble, mmf.) Ugliness! Ugliness!»
OTHER GUY:
«Frank, you’re my buddy! Arrgh, mmf.»
FZ:
«Awright, wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an important message to
deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you’re out there and
you’re cute, maybe you’re beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin’ —
there’s more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out.
Now…»
GUY (BUTCH?):
«Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?»
FZ:
«Sure. All right, now you — he wants to get his girlfriend — go get your
girlfriend.»
GIRL:
«Hey Zap!»
FZ:
«Good to see you again.»
GIRL:
«Squeak!»
FZ:
«I know.»
GUY:
«I ain’t no fucking queer.»
FZ:
«All right, now look, here’s what we’re going to do. Awright. Now. This —
they’ll be mashed, I’ll save them, I’ll save them for later.»
GUY:
«I’m not a fucking queer.»
FZ:
«This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he’s not a queer.
He’s not queer, he’s not queer. Awright, and now… You are going to dance,
like you’ve never danced before…»
