Ant: Well, mate. Well, that’s, that’s our first album…
Dec: That seems to be it, man.
Ant: That’s — what do they call it — a wrap, mate.
Dec: That’s a wrap.
Ant: Literally!
Dec: Literally?
Ant: Yes, well that’s our first album done, mate!
Dec: Right, yeah.
Ant: Well done!
Dec: I, I, I, I can’t, I can’t believe…
Ant: I can’t believe you’re stuttering like that…
Dec: I can’t believe we’ve broke The Beatles’ record, mate.
Ant: What? What’s that?
Dec: Well, they did their first album in 14 hours, do you know that?
Ant: Yeah.
Dec: I didn’t believe it was possible to do an album in 37 and a half minutes!
Ant: Actually, it is, mate.
Dec: I, I, I’m just amazed…
Ant: No, no, I think, I think Peter Gabriel done his in 32.
Dec: Awww…
Ant: So we haven’t even broke the record, at all have we?
Dec: He’s just beaten us then.
Ant: Eh? Eh?
Dec: Hey, but I think we’ve done well though!
Ant: Yeah it’s, it’s, you know, you know I’m pleased…so what you gonna do now then?
Dec: Erm…I think I’ll go…
Ant: Apart from change that shirt, maybe, because I’ve been in this recording studio for, what, 30 minutes? 30 odd minutes? It’s beginning, I didn’t wanna bring it up, mate, but it’s beginning to smell a bit.
Dec: Thanks Ant. Erm, I dunno, I think I’ll go back to…
Ant: No, no, you’re not even gonna tell us if you’re gonna change the shirt or not?
Dec: Yeah I’ll change the shirt…
Ant: And have a wash, too?
Dec: I’ll put on me uniform for me proper job, actually.
Ant: What’s your proper job?
Dec: I erm, I collect the trolleys at Tescos.
Ant: Do you?
Dec: Yeah.
Ant: I’m a, I’m a, I’m a milkman.
Dec: Really?
Ant: Yeah. Very exciting, it’s true what they say, you know.
Dec: What’s that then?
Ant: It’s true what they say about milkmen.
Dec: That you get lots of free milk?
Ant: Yeah. I do.
Dec: Cool. Brilliant. But, erm…
Ant: The old people round near mine are really pleased.
Dec: Yeah.
Ant: Yeah. Hello Thomas, there’s your pint. Hello Esther, there’s your pint. You know, it’s a daily round every morning, mate, after me normal round, it’s a daily round…
Dec: Well, Anthony!
Ant: Yeah…I’m sorry, you know, you see, that’s why I don’t even tell anyone! ‘Cause they’re not even interested!
Dec: We should carry on this conversation later on…
Ant: OK, OK. OK!
Dec: But, erm, so what do you think people are gonna make of all this then?
Ant: I, I don’t know, I don’t know, I enjoyed it though, surely, I mean, you know…
Dec: I’ve enjoyed it too, but you know, how are people gonna take it?
Ant: What d’you mean?
Dec: Well, how’re they gonna, how’re they…
Ant: They’re (whistles) ooh, what’s that guy’s problem?
Dec: But are they gonna like it?
Ant: What?
Dec: The album?
Ant: Well I hope so. I mean, or all this hard work’s been in vain! All this 37 minutes has been in vain, mate! Did we say 37?
Dec: 37, yeah!
Ant: Ah right! OK!
Dec: Don’t mention the 3 weeks it did take though!
Ant: (Laughs)
Dec: Err, yeah, 37 and a half minutes!
Ant: Yeah, right. Er, yeah, I hope so, mate, I hope so. You know, I mean I hope for your sake.
Dec: Well I might see you round Tesco sometime, mate.
Ant: Yeah, I mean, I mean that’s it now, isn’t it?
Dec: Erm, actually we’ve got a bit of bad news to stick on the end of here for everybody that’s listening to the CD.
Ant: Yeah.
Dec: This is actually the err, the last professional engagment me and Ant are actually erm…
(Recording studio door opens)
Cleaner: That’s it, mind out the way boys.
Dec: Oh sorry, love.
Ant: Sorry love.
Cleaner: You still ‘ere?
Ant: We’ve got an interesting to thing to…
Dec: We’ve got an important…
Cleaner: Come on, mind out the way. I’ve gotta clean up in ‘ere…
Ant: Please, please, no, no, love…love…
Dec: We’ve got an important…we’ve got an important…
(Scuffles)
Dec: We’ve got an important announcement to make.
Ant: Thanks for that extra biscuit at teatime!
Studio Operator: Hurry up, boys.
Ant: Anyway, anyway…
Dec: This is the last professional engagement we’re gonna, err, engage in, and we actually are…
Studio Operator: Here, hurry up, boys!
Ant: We’re, we’re, the truth is we’re splitting up…
Both: After this album.
Ant: So, this is our last album, so…
Dec: We just wanna thank everyone who supported us along the way…
Ant: It’s our first and last so, err…
Dec: We are gonna, err, persue sort of careers now, both in television and in music, so we just want to thank everyone who supported us as a duo…
Ant: Yeah.
Dec: And a twosome.
Ant: So is this the last they’ll hear of PJ & Duncan?
(Silence)
Both: PSYCHE!!
(Manic laughter)
